Hello and Godís blessings
be with youÖ Iím Mavie, 26 years old, working in one of
the international companies in Manila. You could say
that compared to my other friends, I am quite successful
in my chosen career, to the point of being an object of
envy to some of them. They think I have it all.
I have been an avid
listener of Love Notes for so long now and
although there were times that Iím on the verge of
writing to you because of what seems like a big heart
problem it is only now that I really need an advice. Iím
really confused and lives are at stake.
You see, I have a boyfriend
of eight months, Mark. I met him thru a common friend
and we it hit off instantly and after a month of dates,
constant telephone calls and some sacrifices on his part
( I live in the province, he is in Manila, he commutes
just to see me), we became a couple. It was a happy time
for both of us and all of our friends as well as our
families approved of the match. They thought that we
were so lucky to have found each other, but as the
saying goes, not everything is what it seems.
You see, Joe, I have a
boyfriend for two years now, before I met Mark. He is
Bryan and weíre still together up to now. Maybe youíre
going to ask why? Bryan is married when I met him at a
friendís party two years ago, but that did not stop him
from courting me, saying that for a long time his wife
and him are having problems and soon they are going to
file for the annulment of their marriage since theirs is
only a marriage by name now. They do not love each other
anymore and are just staying together for the sake of
their two kids.
I really love Bryan, to the
point of honestly waiting for him to annul his marriage
with his wife. There were times when I felt like giving
up especially when his wife found out about me and
really got angry, calling me names and cursing me to
hell and back. But, as I said, I really love Bryan so I
waited and sacrificed.
During our relationship,
which not all the time was smooth, I had several suitors
whom all thought I am unattached. I tried to go out with
them. There were some who I thought could replace Bryan.
But in the end it just didnít work out, until I met
Mark. Thatís when my problem started.
I tried to break it up with
Bryan by being honest with him about Mark. But instead
of breaking up with me, Bryan forgave me about Mark so
we are still together. But I can only be with one of
them. The sad fact is Bryan is always threatening
suicide every time I tried to break it up with him. In
fact, for the past months, he had several accidents
because he was always so drunk and he doesnít know what
But the point is, as the
time goes by, Iím starting to know Mark, and several
times when we have a fight, it seems that I am having
second thoughts if I really love him. He has this
attitude of not talking to me for days, I cried all
these times feeling that I am so not worthy of him
because he can really make me feel worthless. I tried to
talk it out with him, but when his anger subsides, itís
as if nothing has happened and heís the same sweet,
caring, thoughtful person that I loved from the start.
During these fights, my refuge was Bryan, coz with him
everything is different. I feel so loved, accepted and
Bryan and I still see each
other. His marriage is already annulled and he is just
waiting for my decision. Mark has already proposed
marriage and I accepted it not knowing what else to do.
He is already planning it for this year and I canít do
anything. He already bought a house for us to live when
we get married. Bryan on the other hand is expecting
that we will leave the country to be with each other to
start a new life.
What will I do? Iím so
confused, and although Bryan is trying to act as normal
as he can I know he is on the verge of doing something
that will eventually hurt him and I donít want that to
happen because despite everything, I really love him.
Weíve been through a lot and despite all of those; I can
still feel how much he loves me. Mark, on the other
hand, has no clue of Bryanís role in my life, but I know
when he finds out, he will have no second thoughts of
leaving me. What do I do, Joe? Whom do I choose?
Sometimes, I just think of going the easy way and not
choosing any of them, thinking it is my karma for
getting in to this mess and ending up hurting a lot of
people. I am so confused right now, even my work is
affected already. I donít know what to do Joe, please
help. I donít have anyone whom I can tell my situation
because I know they wouldnít understand. Please help me,
before itís too late.